
Thursday, August 11, 2005
you can't expect me to be rational, too
Once, when asked what my biggest fear was, I said (without hesitation), "Getting hacked to bits by a crazy man with an axe who's been hiding in my shower, and then having all my dismembered pieces scattered in dumpsters throughout the city." I think that's a pretty fair thing to be afraid of -- who wants to be hacked to bits by an axe-weilding psychopath? I can't really think of anyone, but maybe I just hang out with the wrong people. In any case, I have found that a good way to avoid worrying about whether there's a crazy with an axe waiting for you in your shower is to buy translucent shower curtains, which I do. It sure beats having to run into the bathroom and throw back the non-translucent shower curtain with a lot of rustling and drama, only to find that there's nothing in there except shampoo and stuff.I'm not sure why I was thinking of this today, but I think about all sorts of weird things all the time, and honestly, the stuff that shows up here on this blog is really just the tip of the massive, crazy iceberg, which means that you totally have no idea. But anyway.
Thinking about my man-with-axe-a-phobia made me think of other things I am irrationally afraid of, which I will present to you now in a bulleted list. Hurrah! Ahem:
- Being spit upon by people when they talk to me, which means that, especially when people get a little too close, I do a lot of wincing.
- Spit, in general.
- Public restrooms. (It's not just that they're gross; I'd rather die than use one.)
- Falling down the stairs and injuring myself and being left for dead.
- That commercial about the fungus with the thing crawling up underneath the toenail. I always have to look away until it's over.
- Fungus.
- Getting food poisoning (I don't think there's anybody in the world who can rival me when it comes to expiration date OCD).
- Anything bad happening to my teeth.
- That yodeling mountain climber dude on The Price is Right.
- My 91-year-old grandmother's driving (though I'm not sure that one's irrational).
What are you irrationally afraid of?


