9:00 p.m.
w00t! 12 hours! Verily, I say unto you, I am rocking the proverbial casbah.
And now, down to bid'ness.
Ahem.
Sketch: The Great French Fry Caper
"Grandpa?"
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story."
"Well, okay. Did I ever tell you the one about the time your grandmother and I stole Gary Busey's car to go to Graceland?"
"I don't think so."
"Well, when we were younger, Grandma and I used to be crazy."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"Like how?"
"Well, like we stole Gary Busey's car."
"Who's Gary Busey, Grandpa?"
"A movie star."
"I never heard of him."
"It happens. Anyway, one morning, your grandma looked at me and said 'Let's go to Graceland.' I thought it was a good idea, being a big Elvis fan and all, so we got dressed and went looking for a car."
"You didn't have a car?"
"Well, we did, but Graceland was very far, and ours wasn't the most reliable."
"Oh."
"So, we talked about it while we had lunch at Burger King, and as we were walking outside, we saw a man get out of his car and go storming into the restaurant. He left his car running, and we thought -- well, now or never, right?"
"Uh, I guess."
"So we hopped in the car and headed toward Memphis."
"Where's Memphis?"
"In Tennessee."
"Where's Tennessee?"
"It's in the South."
"Oh."
"So we got down the road a ways, and your grandma said that she smelled food. We hadn't noticed it before, but there was a great big bag of food from Burger King right there on the seat."
"Was it Gary Busey's food?"
"Yes. It was Gary Busey's food. A double Whopper and some fries. King-sized too, if I recall."
"That's a lot, Grandpa."
"I know. That's probably why he ended up on Celebrity Fit Club 2."
"What's Celebrity Fit Club 2?"
"Something you're very lucky never to have to watch."
"Oh. Did you get to Graceland?"
"Well, no."
"How come?"
"Because Gary Busey got mad about his car -- even more mad about his french fries -- and your grandma and I had to spend some time in jail. Your dad bailed us out with his lawnmowing money, in fact."
"He did?"
"Sure did. Great kid, your dad."
"Wow."
"So anyway, son, the important thing to remember is not to steal cars from celebrities, even ones on the C-list."
"What's the C-list?"
"It's when somebody's famous, but not really famous."
"Oh. Grandpa?"
"Yeah?"
"Daddy says that it's wrong to steal anything from anybody."
"Well, he's right. But if you ever do end up stealing anything, just make sure not to get caught, okay?"
"Okay, Grandpa."
"And don't tell your father I said that."
"Alright."
"Good. Now. You want me to teach you how to cheat at poker?"
"Okay."
"Okay. Go get Grandpa his cards."
As demanded by Caryn and Anne. Because I am all about killing two birds with one stone. And seriously... don't you want me to write you one?
And now, down to bid'ness.
Ahem.
Sketch: The Great French Fry Caper
"Grandpa?"
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story."
"Well, okay. Did I ever tell you the one about the time your grandmother and I stole Gary Busey's car to go to Graceland?"
"I don't think so."
"Well, when we were younger, Grandma and I used to be crazy."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"Like how?"
"Well, like we stole Gary Busey's car."
"Who's Gary Busey, Grandpa?"
"A movie star."
"I never heard of him."
"It happens. Anyway, one morning, your grandma looked at me and said 'Let's go to Graceland.' I thought it was a good idea, being a big Elvis fan and all, so we got dressed and went looking for a car."
"You didn't have a car?"
"Well, we did, but Graceland was very far, and ours wasn't the most reliable."
"Oh."
"So, we talked about it while we had lunch at Burger King, and as we were walking outside, we saw a man get out of his car and go storming into the restaurant. He left his car running, and we thought -- well, now or never, right?"
"Uh, I guess."
"So we hopped in the car and headed toward Memphis."
"Where's Memphis?"
"In Tennessee."
"Where's Tennessee?"
"It's in the South."
"Oh."
"So we got down the road a ways, and your grandma said that she smelled food. We hadn't noticed it before, but there was a great big bag of food from Burger King right there on the seat."
"Was it Gary Busey's food?"
"Yes. It was Gary Busey's food. A double Whopper and some fries. King-sized too, if I recall."
"That's a lot, Grandpa."
"I know. That's probably why he ended up on Celebrity Fit Club 2."
"What's Celebrity Fit Club 2?"
"Something you're very lucky never to have to watch."
"Oh. Did you get to Graceland?"
"Well, no."
"How come?"
"Because Gary Busey got mad about his car -- even more mad about his french fries -- and your grandma and I had to spend some time in jail. Your dad bailed us out with his lawnmowing money, in fact."
"He did?"
"Sure did. Great kid, your dad."
"Wow."
"So anyway, son, the important thing to remember is not to steal cars from celebrities, even ones on the C-list."
"What's the C-list?"
"It's when somebody's famous, but not really famous."
"Oh. Grandpa?"
"Yeah?"
"Daddy says that it's wrong to steal anything from anybody."
"Well, he's right. But if you ever do end up stealing anything, just make sure not to get caught, okay?"
"Okay, Grandpa."
"And don't tell your father I said that."
"Alright."
"Good. Now. You want me to teach you how to cheat at poker?"
"Okay."
"Okay. Go get Grandpa his cards."
As demanded by Caryn and Anne. Because I am all about killing two birds with one stone. And seriously... don't you want me to write you one?
