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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

just.... sitting. (an instructional manual of sorts)
Yesterday, I was engaging in an activity that I engage in almost daily (except minus the "almost" part), and that activity is called Just Sitting Here. Just Sitting Here is something that I've perfected over the past few years, and I would like to think of it as an art. Nay, a science. Nay, an arty science art-type thing.

You may find yourself wondering what Just Sitting Here is. I will tell you. But first, I'm going to tell you what Just Sitting Here isn't. Ahem:

1. Just Sitting Here is not meditation, although meditation is a very fine activity that I would be happy to recommend to you.

2. Just Sitting Here is not the same as Just Lying on the Couch, in that Just Sitting Here requires a seated position.

3. Just Sitting Here is not like spazzing out and becoming momentarily catatonic, even though it does, on occasion, require rocking back and forth. The main difference between the two is that spazzing out and becoming momentarily catatonic involves freaking out about something, and Just Sitting Here can be employed at any time, no matter what the Sitter's state of mind is.

So, what is Just Sitting Here? Well, I do believe that it's a highly individual activity, and each person really brings his/her own style to it (I guess that makes it an art). Because of its individual nature, it's really impossible for me to describe it in universal terms (beyond the sitting part), so I will explain my method for you.

Just Sitting Here entails sitting at my desk, looking at things -- my magic 8 ball, my computer tower, the tape measure that's resting near my computer tower for no apparent reason, the house across the street -- and thinking "I should really do something, like, I don't know, type something, or, like, um, dance around the room while listening to Duran Duran." This is followed by the thought that comes about five minutes later, which goes like this: "Wow. I'm still just sitting here." At this point, I can either alert someone to the fact that I'm in the middle of a Just Sitting Here session by saying something to them, like "I should really ________________, but instead, I'm just sitting here." This is when a critical decision comes into play: do I get up to do the ________________ that I really should do, or do I continue just sitting? Simple. I continue just sitting. Because the next step is to say to the same person, after several minutes of silence have passed, "You know how I said I was going to ________________? Well, I'm still just sitting here." Then, I'm free to go ahead and ________________ to my heart's content.

So, even though my personal JSH method has been tailored through years of practice to suit my own Just Sitting Here needs, I think that every Just Sitting Here practitioner would agree that when breaking out of an intensive JSH session, it's important not to do anything too suddenly, because you might get cramps and drown, like if you go swimming too soon after eating. So it's really important to pace yourself, because there is nothing in this world more ridiculously awful than cramps. Other than, perhaps, decapitation, which I have not personally tried, so I can't vouch for it.

Remember: safety first!

Just Sitting Here sounds like a lot of laziness. Is that what you think? Because if you think that, you're wrong. Just Sitting Here involves a lot of complex mental processes, like, um, all the mental energy it takes to sit and stare at things. Which, believe me, is a lot. Anyway, I want to make sure you understand the differences between Just Sitting Here and being a lazy jerk. So, here's a list explaining why those two things are not the same at all:

1. Just Sitting Here is a proper noun, because it is a very specific thing. Being a lazy jerk is not a proper noun, because there are all sorts of ways to be a lazy jerk, ergo, it is impossible to call it one single, specific activity. Do not argue with me on this, because I have a degree in English.

2. Just Sitting Here is a way to shut down for a little while, taking some time to do nothing other than appreciate the wonder that Just Sitting Here is, whereas being a lazy jerk is a way to, well, be a lazy jerk.

As you can see, they are totally different, which means that when you may find me sitting and staring into space with a blank expression on my face, sorta looking at items in my environment in a disinterested manner, I am not being a lazy jerk, I AM BEING AN ARTIST, which means that I am tortured, because being tortured is synonymous with being an artist, so leave me alone already.





posted by jamelah
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