jamelah.net

Sunday, January 18, 2004

it's just this nasal congestion...

i want to talk about those damn afrin commercials. you know the ones i mean. the ones where someone's head is transformed into a giant nose. tell me, am i alone in saying, "what the.... uh.... what?"

as someone who has about ninety jazillion allergies, i think it would be fair to say that i am an expert in congestion. (a fine thing to be an expert in, no?) other than the fact that i have never thought, "wow, my head is so congested, i feel as though it has transformed itself into a freakishly large nose," i would just like to say that whoever is in charge of afrin's advertising needs to be fired. and then perhaps beaten soundly. or maybe pelted with full bottles of nasal spray. whatever, i'm not into coming up with crime-appropriate punishments -- that's totally not my job.

i have so completely digressed away from my original point, it's not even funny. except it's funny. but.... yeah. so.

i know that afrin isn't trying to tell me that when i experience congestion i will undergo a kafkaesque metamorphosis, in which i will wake up to have a ginormous nose for a head. i am at least that intelligent. i get it, afrin. i get it. you're just telling me that i will feel that way (except, as i've already pointed out: yeah, um, no). anyway, i would like to share with you the thoughts these commercials have forced me to have, completely against my will, when i would much rather be thinking about whether raoul or sergio is a preferable name for a cabana boy.

thoughts afrin commercials forced me to have when i would much rather be thinking about whether raoul or sergio is a preferable name for a cabana boy:

#1 -- the entire concept of nasal spray upsets me.

#2 -- if i were to wake up in the morning to find that my head had morphed into a gigantic nose (and also, miraculously, my glasses had grown to scale) i do not think i would leave the house. no, i think i would much rather stay at home and bemoan the fact that my head had turned into a giant nose. of course, i wouldn't be able to bemoan anything, since i would've been rendered mouthless. i would also find it unnecessary to put on my suddenly-giant glasses, as my eyes would be missing, feeling it important to disappear along with my mouth so that my head could turn into a giant nose. in fact, i think i might be more upset about my sudden blindness than i would be about my congestion, but maybe that's just me.

#2 a -- wait, wait. no. i would be pretty upset that my head had become a giant nose.

#2 b -- if i were to wake up in the morning to discover that my head had turned into a giant nose, and i was crazy enough to venture out-of-doors, completely blind, with a giant nosehead, i really don't think i'd worry too much about putting on a hat.

#3 -- like, okay. so i'm just supposed to take nasal spray (totally upsetting, mind you) from a complete stranger and squirt it up my nosehead? other than the fact that there are about a thousand things wrong with that previous sentence, there are about a million-zillion things that are completely wrong about that concept, not the least of which is this: isn't that unsanitary? how do i know where this stranger's nasal spray has been before?

#4 -- is it just me, or did that guy in the commercial look way better when his head was a giant nose?

right. in short, afrin just needs to stop it. we don't want other companies to get ideas. really. we don't.





posted by jamelah
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