Friday, December 05, 2003

huggy bears: the horror! the horror!!

so the other day, like maybe a week ago or something, i took a look at a box of fake teddy grahams that were on my counter, and then, because it contained a food item, i decided i would open the box and eat a handful of its contents.

boy, were they not at all tasty. and when i say they were "not at all tasty" i mean, "they tasted horrible." just to be clear.

naturally, i ate a couple more of them while inspecting the side of the box, and was more than slightly fascinated at my findings. please examine with me exhibit a:

i will present to you the key phrase here as exhibit b:

extra key flavor. the interesting bit about this extra key flavor (that probably comes from some of the quality ingredients the taste delight brand cookies source from all over the world) is that previous cookie formulations did not have this. maybe they had key flavor, but they did not have extra key flavor.

as i'm sure you know, the only question that can be asked here is, quite simply: so what did the other cookies taste like?

and if, indeed, as the taste delight brand cookies are so proud to point out, their extra key flavor formulations make this particular type of huggy bears at least as good or better than any other teddy graham knockoff on the market, and before we forget, these huggy bears are rather vile (by "vile" i mean "really nasty"), what are the other ones like? what kind of marketplace of chocolate graham cookie horror has been unleashed upon the off-brand-purchasing american public by those kooky canadians?

oh yes, canada plays a role here. a rather important role. just look at exhibit c:

you see that? of course you do. now, i understand that someone might see the canadian flag on the side of a box of these here huggy bears and think "oh, canada! that's exotic and foreign!" and then this poor misguided person (because anybody who thinks that canada is exotic and foreign is misguided, to say the least) would purchase the seemingly inoffensive box of chocolate graham cookies, only to unleash the scourge of extra key flavor destruction upon their unsuspecting household.

it's sad indeed. i believe there's some sort of canadian invasion conspiracy afoot, and it's high time (and when i say "high time" i mean "you'd have to be high to appreciate those horrible, horrible huggy bears") that someone did some research into what's going on here (and when i say "someone" i mean "anybody else but me").

thank you.