jamelah.net

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

spam? mmmm. yummy.

okay, unlike most people, i like getting spam in the ol' e-mailbox. i guess because, try as they might, any person i know who would ever actually e-mail me would never be able to say the exciting, fascinating, and completely weird things that the spammers say. it would be impossible. and so, as an homage to spam, here are my five favorites of the day:

1. Men are clapping, find out why? vqpt phlycwyp
well, naturally, i wanted to find out why men are clapping, because i think gender-specific applause is interesting. apparently, they're clapping about a male sexual enhancer with growth. i'm a little concerned that said sexual enhancer has a growth, and that just seems like something i wouldn't really want to clap about, but then, i'm not a man, so what do i know?

in any case, in very tiny text at the bottom of the email, i read, "have all lost your wits, or I have outlived mine. May God help you, natural, or in any way supersedes it. Grace, say the particular truth--a general or universal application. They are"

may god help me, natural, or in any way that supersedes it. dear spammer, that is my prayer every day. amen.

2. people wantto make love to you8
oh hallelujah. people want to make love to me. or people want to make love to eight of me. or eight people want to make love to me. or people think that i am the number eight and therefore, want to make love to me. or this lovemaking will involve arachnids. i'm not sure, but i think i just had an aneurysm.

3. Mäkë Löve Like A Teen
hmmm... make love in an awkward, hurried way, afraid that my parents will catch me? i think i'll pass, thanks. however, i must applaud vqqqenanoqqqmcna3@yqqqanahoqqqo.com's snappy use of umlauts. good job.

4. Aaron, -Will you get married to me?t fi
so writes oLouis max. oddly, the note says, "hello halk, i am looking for a nice man. would you correspond with me please click the link below." now, i am not a nice man. nor am i aaron or halk. damn the misdirected e-mail, getting my hopes up for the t fi marital bliss i so often dream of.

5. Apple Cider Weight Lost , mc mc "Ulla, ulla, ulla, ulla," confused my mind. Perhaps I was too tired
perhaps you were, kade smith... it's a shame that you lost the apple cider weight, however, i understand that the "ulla, ulla, ulla, ulla" could cause so much confusion that you might not have noticed it sneaking out the back door with the viagra. it happens to everyone. don't be hard on yourself.





posted by jamelah
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