jamelah.net

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

i'll have the spam spam spam spam spam spam spam personal message and spam

i'm over complaining about how i don't get any e-mail from anybody telling me what a super genius i am. (though, you know... i wouldn't be unhappy if someone were to write me and do such a thing.) but the void in my inbox has led me to start actually reading the spam that i get. it's sad. but then, so many things are.

and since i am a super hilarious genius, i'm going to do this commentary on

THE TOP FIVE SPAM E-MAILS I RECEIVED YESTERDAY AND TODAY:

let's go. (in no particular order.)

1. jamel_07, we buy judicial judgments!
now, first of all, i have never, in the entire time i've used electronic mail for my correspondence needs, used "jamel_07" for a handle, and this would be for a couple of reasons. namely, i am not jamel, nor have i ever been 07. the thing that bothers me about this message is that it only says, "134812 LYK 01'07''03 C25 ©....0171...©." i don't know what this means, nor can i fathom what it has to do with the purchase of judicial judgments, however, it seems to me that buying judicial judgments is wrong. and caily kingswood, if i am to believe that this is the spammer's true name, should be ashamed of herself.

2. it's easy to locate personal information about anyone!
other than the fact that this message opened with, "Dear haligan451 , rt lu dgzz mo yx," this just bugs the hell out of me. i don't want to locate anyone's personal information. i mean, i don't mind having the addresses and phone numbers of people i know, but if they're not willing to give me this information, then i'm not gonna go hunting for it. because i believe that could be viewed as stalking. and really, i'm too lazy to stalk anybody. that's just too much work, you know?

3. i found that url
gee, marissa. thanks for hunting down xxx date! i've been hoping for something like that, you know... i especially like how you were kind enough to add some pictures of naked women in the e-mail. that really does so much for me, considering the fact that i am a straight woman. yeah. apparently, if i decide to use xxx date for my xxx dating needs, i'll be hearing things like, "hey, didn't i fuck you yesterday?" from all the girls. nice.

4. where is she?
i don't know. i didn't even know she was lost. well... apparently she will be, if i don't do something about my small penis and lack of stamina. yeah. apparently, the woman in my life doesn't want to hurt my feelings, so she won't tell me how upsetting my dismal performance in the bedroom is, instead, to help me save face.... she'll dump me. other than the fact that i'm not a man, and have no interest whatsoever in sleeping with women, um.... yeah. i'd say that if you believe you have to resort to some stupid pill to make your penis grow in order to keep your relationship, then you've got issues. the main one of those issues being that you are, quite simply, an idiot.

5. pay off those student loans ha
well, i do need to pay off my student loans, but (and this could just be me being old fashioned) i figure the way to do that is by having a job and sending checks to the loan people. crazy, aren't i? apparently so, because if i'd just work with this company, i'd be set for life. it's true. there are testimonials. my favorite of these being, "Jason F. Landscaper: '$18,000 per month, now I pay someone else to mow my huge lawn!'" hooray for you, jason f. hooray for you. honestly, the main reason i included this one is because it says "ha" at the end of the subject line, and quite frankly... that's funny.

wasn't that fun? yeah... i know.





posted by jamelah
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