jamelah.net

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

the cable guy of my discontent

so i'd been writing this immensely long rant about the lameness of this person i know and how it must be depressing to be that unoriginal, but i got to the end of it and two things happened:
1. i didn't care anymore.
2. the cable guy showed up.

now i should be at work about thirty minutes ago, but i have a bastard car that doesn't like to work in the winter, and is completely covered in snow. so i went outside in order to coax it into starting and warming up a little, when i noticed a young lad with a ladder traipsing across my front lawn. "oh, young lad with a ladder," i found myself thinking, "you are certainly handsome. i could jump your bones." i noticed the cable company van parked nearby and figured that he must be the cable guy of my dreams, (or something) so i checked him out a little bit, then i set about the task of starting the car.

task finished, i went back inside my house, thinking, "damn i'm so late i should just eat lunch at home and then stay at work all afternoon without a break." so i opened my refrigerator and scowled at its contents. would it kill us to have lettuce? apparently so. anyway, i had just closed the refrigerator door and headed to the cabinet thinking about a nice, warm bowl of soup when there was a knock at the door.

i answered it. oh cable guy of amazing cuteness, how i heart thee. i said the most brilliant thing. i said, "hi."

he smiled. it was then that i noted his teeth. (i am a fascist about teeth. they have to be white, and reasonably straight. a little crookedness here and there isn't bad... i think it gives a smile character. but dear god.) i can't describe them, except to say, "oh the horror! the horror!" i found myself running my tongue over my own pearly whites, thinking, "how can you even let that happen? don't you know that mr. toothbrush and mr. dentist are your friends?"

my love was shattered. shattered! i heard it shattering... it made a....shattering noise. words came out past the horrific teeth. words that sounded like, "your cable should be working now. do you want to check that out while i'm here?"

i nodded dumbly. i walked to my television and turned it on; there was the sound of television people speaking. from all the way across the house, i yelled, "yeah, it's working!" and he yelled back, "okay! thanks!" and he closed my door and walked on out of my life.

the end.





posted by jamelah
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