jamelah.net

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

in about twenty minutes, i will leave this place for lunch. i'll probably have a few cigarettes, a can of diet coke, and maybe a cookie. because i am all about healthy living. oh, wait. no, i'm not.

case in point: two seconds ago, i was eating a piece of laffy taffy. i hate laffy taffy, because a) the jokes on the wrappers are stupid, and b) it tastes like fruit-flavored plastic. but i was eating a piece of it because, well, it was there. and somehow, dork that i am, i managed to inhale a miniscule piece of it. yes. inhale. i had a horrific coughing fit. had tears running down my face. i got it loose enough so that i can now breathe, but i can still feel it down there.

i'm going to die with a bit of laffy taffy stuck in my windpipe. ah, life.

now it hurts to breathe. yay.

and see, the thing is... incidents like this happen to me all the time. last night, i went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and i somehow ran into the wall, then (this still perplexes me) i tripped over something, went flying forward into the living room, and poured water all over my leg. it's a skill. it has to be a skill.

right?

so anyway, yeah. i can see it now... i'm going to die by the age of 35, but not of something tragic and horrible... i'll die from some ridiculous thing i did to myself. and people will be laughing about it for years. i'll become an urban legend. all because i'm a klutzy dork.





posted by jamelah
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